The Madlib of SPAMlet

This is the soliloquy from the play, " SPAMlet," written by Trent Reznorespear.

In the third act of this tripping play, SPAMlet, who is sometimes called 'the melancholy bongload' is suspicious of his stepfather and hires some actors to act out a scene in which a king is killed when someone pours acid into his waterpipe.

First, however, he declaims: To smoke or not to smoke: that is the frozen twinkie: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the tits and ass of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of ice cream sandwhiches, and by opposing end them. To die: to sleep: no more; and by a sleep to say we end the heart-ache and the thousand natural butt warts that flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to screw; to bang: perchance to violently rape til she bleeds: ay, there's the drunken indian.